


As Long As We're Together

by Anonymous



Series: To Be Torn Apart [1]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Attempt at realistic thoughts, Cuddling, Gen, Minor Angst, Platonic Relationships, Slightly Bad Thoughts, Slightly Jonghyun focused, Slightly Minki focused, Slightly Toxic Thoughts, minor grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:38:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jonghyun briefly reflects on the show's end while taking comfort in and with the two other boys who truly understand what their present time holds, and what their future could be.





	As Long As We're Together

**Author's Note:**

> So I just wanted to write this to help myself come to terms with yesterday's results and process the emotions I feel. I want to state that this isn't to imply how I think any of the boys actually feel or are acting right now, this is just putting my own thoughts to the page so to speak. 
> 
> I warn you now, Jonghyun in this isn't the most sensitive in his thoughts and feelings towards Minhyun. Please don't take this as me bashing Minhyun as that is definitely not the case or how I personally feel, this is just an examination on how the character of Jonghyun and his person within this could potentially realistically feel about the situation as a whole. I'm sorry if that will be upsetting, but I do think in some cases people could read it and think that it might be realistic based on their own experiences despite how close the two in question are. I mean, can you honestly say you never have a bad thought about even the people you love the most?

It was finally over, that stupid, heart wrenching, emotionally and physically draining competition was finally over, and they were finally home.  It had only been a little more than a day, but Jonghyun was so relieved to be away from the constant monitor of cameras, to be away from everyone’s watchful and critical eyes.  He was free now, finally free, at least for now, free to stop being the strong, caring leader for what felt like _everyone,_ and could now just be safe and sad with his members.  It was finally over, after the shame and embarrassment from having to compete in the first place, to all of the stress, pain and suffering that came with the competition…..it was finally **_over_**.

 After pushing two mattresses together, he had gathered Dongho and Minki, and together, shut the door to the room, locking out the critical world they had just come from.  Since being home, the trio had done nothing more than stay in bed together, just holding onto one another, only occasionally leaving for the bathroom or for food and drink.

Aaron had happily welcomed the four of them with a sad smile, opening his arms up for all of his dongsaengs, whispering to each of them that everything would be okay.  Aaron had been understanding, knew that they’d each need their time and would come to him when he was ready.  He knew that even though they had been separated for a while, that they still just needed space.  He told all four of them that he’d be around, cooking for them, cleaning anything they wanted washed, and just being a shoulder to lean on for now. Aaron was truly great, even though he himself had been alone, he still just _understood_ ; understood that they all just needed a little more time. 

After the welcome home though Minhyun went off to his room and shut the door, the click of the lock being all the information the rest of them needed that he had wanted to be left alone.  After leaving the studio, their one member to actually make it into Wanna One was still, for the most part, inconsolable.  Jonghyun knew that a good deal of the pain Minhyun felt was for them, he knew that the other needed time, and if he was being perfectly honest, almost preferred it that way.  He knew it wasn’t right to resent Minhyun in any way, and for the most part he really _didn’t_ …..but that didn’t change the fact that Minhyun _had_ made it, and Dongho, Minki and him, had not.  It didn’t matter to Jonghyun anymore that he had been the leader so much, he was allowed to be upset and maybe irrational.  He knew what he was doing when he made his choices, but it still _hurt_ to not receive the support when he needed it too. He knew it wasn’t like Minhyun had stolen any of their spots or was the reason they hadn’t made it, but screw it, Jonghyun was _allowed_ to feel complete frustration after working so hard and raising others up to then only be ditched by key voters at the last second.  Yes, Minhyun wouldn’t be able to promote with NU’EST for an entire year and a half, and friends of a few months didn’t trump those of years, but at least he knew he actually _would_ be promoting. 

Yes, Jonghyun and the others were all aware of how immediately following the final broadcast, several of their songs shot back onto and way up the digital charts, but they were smart enough to still know that didn’t _guarantee_ them anything.  Pledis didn’t _have_ to give them a comeback, Jonghyun knew it had only been a day or so, and just because there was this huge wave of support online right now didn’t mean that it would still be there _if_ and when they had a comeback, and who knows, maybe this online support wouldn’t even last a week.  Jonghyun had seen a comment online that maybe this entire competition would be NU’EST’s ‘Hani fancam’ moment, but he knew people could be fickle and lose interest quickly.  Especially if this support was on pure sympathy or outrage alone, Jonghyun was very worried that that would burn out quickly.  Even if they were given a comeback soon, it’d have to be without Minhyun anyway, and Jonghyun didn’t _want_ to have to worry about Minhyun again right now. Jonghyun was tired and sad too and he was allowed to be selfish and not make it his main priority to worry about someone else, someone who had stability in their life for the next eighteen months.  That may be harsh, but for Jonghyun that was still the fact of the matter.  

Jonghyun turned over in their makeshift bed to find Dongho’s eyes open, his hand gently moving and caressing Minki’s hair as the maknae still lie asleep nestled between the two of them.  Dongho stopped his movements to briefly look at his leader before resuming his touches toward Minki.  “I’m worried about him,” Dongho whispered, breaking the serene silence they had been lying in for hours now.

“Me too,” Jonghyun replied, “But it’s over, he’ll get better now.”

And Jonghyun believed that.  From an outsider’s perspective, someone might think that things had been the toughest on Jonghyun especially after missing out yesterday, but he knew that the member who had really had the hardest time the entire competition had been their maknae.  Poor Minki, he had been through so much, the boy was utterly exhausted and wiped, and out of the three of them, had spent the most time asleep since being home. 

It had hurt Jonghyun’s heart so incredibly much to see Minki suffer as much as he did during the show.  From being the only one who had received an F grade, to almost constantly being ranked the lowest out of their four, even up to the final days of filming when no one even paid him any real attention or thought he had any serious shot at making it.  Jonghyun remembered how crushed Minki had been the first time that Dongho, Minhyun and he had all ranked within the Top 11 and Minki sat very much outside of it.  Minki had been so strong, had told them alone and off camera of how he’d keep working hard and how he wanted the three of them to make it and have a second chance at following their dreams and most of all, to not worry about him. 

Jonghyun did worry though, because while he knew Minhyun was now feeling pain for having to go forward alone, Jonghyun couldn’t imagine the devastation to Minki’s soul if he had been the only one left behind.  Yes, the maknae would have had Aaron by his side, but Jonghyun could only panic internally still at the thought of having to leave Minki behind, behind with the knowledge that he had been the only one not deemed worthy enough.  Jonghyun couldn’t even _fathom_ how Minki or the public alike just expected him, any of the group really, to just be _okay_ or complacent with leaving or treating Minki as if he were nothing nor had no note to him.  It had bothered Jonghyun beyond no end over the past thirty or so hours how he had received all of this outcry for himself and for the most part Dongho as well, but next to no one was crying for Minki.  His maknae had been so strong, so courageous to keep his head up and continue to do his best even when he kept fighting what he said was a ‘lost and pointless’ battle.  He had kept fighting though because Jonghyun realized now that Minki had been so terrified that the competition may have been his last ever chance at standing alongside them.  He realized that Minki wanted to spend any moment he could with them.  Jonghyun realized how brave his maknae had to be to still stand on stage and try his heart out even when he truly believed in his heart that he didn’t have a shot. 

A single tear managed to escape from one of Jonghyun’s eyes before he decided to scoot forward and press his form against the thin boy’s back, his hands drifting down to wrap around Minki’s waist to pull him gently into an embrace.  That was another thing, in all Minki’s work, he had noticed how much thinner the already light boy had gotten. Jonghyun didn't want to let him go, now that the ordeal was over, he just wanted all three of them to be happy and healthy again. 

“Are you okay?” Dongho whispered.

“I….I’m fine,” Jonghyun whispered back after a minute, “Or at least….I will be, so long as I still have you two.”

“You know you’re always going to have us,” Dongho told him, “You worked so hard, did so much for so many people, you know Minki and I will never leave you.”

Jonghyun removed one of his hands from Minki’s waist to reach even further forward to grasp one of Dongho’s in his own.  “Thank you,” he said in a fragile whisper, “What about you though….I’m so sorry for this.”

“I’m going to be okay.  _We’re_ going to be okay,” Dongho told him, “I believe we are…..we got through that show, whether it’s as four for now, we’ll still be okay.  It hurts, of course it does, it hurts a lot….but it’s better because I have you guys, have people who _understand_ and can stay with me.”

“Even if we’re no longer NU’EST Dongho,” Jonghyun replied, “I’m not letting you guys go, not letting you out of my life.”

“I know, and Minki feels the same,” Dongho said, “We both do.  He told me when you last went to the bathroom that he’ll stay with us as long as he can, that no one will tear him away from us.”

At the end of it all that’s all Jonghyun needed. He knew there was no changing reality, no changing the facts of the situation.  Minhyun had to leave them, Pledis may or may not seriously give them a second chance, but despite that, no matter what, so long as they wanted it this way, they could stay together.

“Thank you…..for everything.”


End file.
